


Bound by You

by Julianesque



Series: The Doctor's Apprentice [2]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Canon Death, Canon Temporary Character Death, Heartbreak, Julian doesn't know, Late Confessions, Major Illness, Nonbinary, Other, Plague, Slight fluff, Slow Death, death mentioned, genderless apprentice, genderless reader, just plain sad, leeches, major angst, no pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 22:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20983292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julianesque/pseuds/Julianesque
Summary: “Can we be that selfish..?” Julian curls his leather fingers under your chin, making you look up. He brushes away your tears, fingertips ghosting over your lips.“I want to be.” You murmur quietly, words dripping with desperation. “Just for tonight.”





	Bound by You

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this is just pure angst.

Staring down at the mess of scrolls and folios scattered across the desk you sigh and push your hair back with pale, trembling fingers. The glow of the lantern illuminates your sickly complexion in a warm, yellowish gold, a lovely contrast to your eyes now stained crimson, a inescapable mark of death. Placing an arm out in front of you the light dances across your skin as you turn it back and forth, your expression pained. Vesuvia’s death toll was rising, the plague's presence a relentless force on the city—it was only a matter of time before you fell ill too. 

Pushing away from the desk you clench your fist, a ragged cough tearing its way from your aching throat. You double over, gripping the edge of the table with shaking hands. It had only been a few days since you first noticed the symptoms, but you were all too familiar with how quickly the plague ravaged its victims. Straightening yourself back up, a loud click at the door rouses you from your thoughts, fear flashing across your eyes.

Only one person would come to the clinic this late at night. "Y/N?" 

_ Julian. _

"Julian!" Startled, you duck your head, hair falling over your eyes and partially covering your face. You turn away from the desk and bite your lip, nervously playing with the ends of your shirt. 

"I thought you would have been asleep by now, my love." Julian speaks softly from where he's standing at the door, mask in hand. You can hear his footsteps crossing the room, his boots loud in the suffocating silence of the clinic. He couldn't see you as a shell of your former self, a dying soul, a soul he always felt responsible for.

_ The guilt would eat him alive. _

"I couldn't sleep. Maybe I had a feeling the most  _ charming _ doctor of Vesuvia would pay me a visit?" with your back still facing him you reach for the bowl of water sitting near the desk’s edge and dip your fingers in, careful not to expose your face.

"Ohoho, is that so my dear?"  There's a playful lilt to his words but you can sense his concern in the way he stops, hesitant to come any closer. 

“Mmm—I don’t know, is it?” Your wet fingers drag down your face, the cool water pleasant on your feverish skin. Whispering a few words under your breath a faint glimmer washes over you, your red eyes disappearing under the spell’s glamour. “Julian?” Fear grips your heart when you turn to face him. Would he see through your magic?

Julian blinks, a frown making its way into his face, grey eyes roaming over you carefully. He presses his lips together, unimpressed. “You look exhausted. I thought I told you  _ not _ to overwork yourself, Y/N.”

You release a slow breath and fold your arms over your chest, mirroring his own. “And how many times have I told you that _ I’m my own person and responsible for my own choices?” _

He huffs indignantly, looking away as if he were a child being scolded, his eyes focusing on the floor. “Of course you’re your own person, darling. I—ah, you know I would never..” Julian falters, his stern frown melting away, thin lips jutting into a pout. “I just want you to be  _ safe.” _ He whispers, forcing his gaze up to meet yours. 

“Oh, Julian—” lowering your arms you reach out to him, your expression softening. He shuffles over to you and swoops down, nuzzling into the safety of your neck. Julian’s warm breath fans over your skin, his lips leaving chaste kisses in its wake. “I am safe.  _ We _ are safe.” You murmur into his hair, both of your hands running up his broad back. 

“How can you be so certain? I’m nowhere close to a cure, people keep dying—I.. I don’t know how to save them, us, anyone.” Something wet trickles down your neck as Julian presses into you, rubbing his face along the side of your neck down towards the junction of your shoulder, muffling his cries. You sigh softly and slide a hand into his red curls, gently prying him away to reveal his flushed, tear-stained face.

“Shh.. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself again,” dropping your hand to cup his jaw you force a smile, the corners of your mouth quivering. “Can’t you see what it’s doing to you?” You glide your thumb over his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. 

“Me?” he snorts bitterly, the sound ringing hollow to your ears. “Look what it’s doing to the city! Y/N.. I can’t.. I—it doesn’t matter what’s happening to me,” watery grey eyes look over your face, desperately searching. “There are so many deaths.. So many marks against me.” Julian’s hands make their way to either side of your jaw, cradling your face.

Forcing back your own hot, bitter tears you lean forwards, resting against him. “Julian, please,” your voice cracks, the first tear rolling down your cheek. “I hate seeing you like this. None of this is your fault—it’s never been your fault!” 

“Ohhh Y/N, no don’t cry..” Julian pleads, jerking his head back as if he’d been struck, his eyes wide. “Please don’t cry, I’m sorry.. Oh Y/N..” 

You knew where this was going. “Is it really that hard for you to not blame yourself?” Tears were streaming down your face, wetting his gloved fingers. “J-just for tonight, just for this moment.. will you forget the world with me?” 

“Y/N—”

“ _ P-please _ .” Grasping the collar of his jacket you lower your head to his chest.

“Can we be that selfish..?” Julian curls his leather fingers under your chin, making you look up. He brushes away your tears, fingertips ghosting over your lips.

“I want to be.” You murmur quietly, words dripping with desperation. “Just for tonight.” Resting your hands over his you slip your fingers between the spaces, squeezing. 

“Ohh Y/N..” He bumps your noses together, taking a deep breath before speaking. “I will do anything to see you smile again,” Julian steps back, guiding you with him until he finds the desk’s chair, lowering you down onto his lap as he sits. True to his word he curls his arms around your waist, resting his cool cheek on your shoulder. “Tell me about your day, darling. Anything interesting?” 

You shrug your shoulders half-heartedly, unable to fight the smile that spreads across your face. “I had to use leeches on someone today.” You glance at him from the corner of your eye, a wide smile peeking over the top of your shoulder. Julian shakes with laughter, the sound comforting to your frayed nerves. The plague was still weighing heavily on your mind, but in this moment with Julian, you could forget. 

“Ohh, did you now? And how did it go? Don’t leave me in suspense.” He’s grinning, his laughter subsiding in favor of listening with a small tilt of his head. 

“Terrible! You know I  _ hate _ leeches. They’re slimy, gross and did I mention creepy?” You twist around to scowl at him, eyes narrowing suspiciously when his lips curve into an incorrigible smirk. “What are you planning?”

Julian stares at you scandalized, his mouth agape. “Me? Planning something? You wound me! I would never!” He’s reaching inside his pocket, mischievous eyes never leaving yours. “I was just under the impression they were rather useful—” producing a small jar of leeches he holds it up to the light, close to your face. 

“Julian!” Scrambling off of his lap and away from the jar you fix him with a hard glare. “Keep those things away from me, I’m warning you.” You can see the small bodies twisting and undulating in their glass confinement—you shudder.

Julian laughs, the smirk still plastered across his smug face. “You would do no such thing. My undeniable charm will surely bring my Y/N back to me, _ with or without _ the leeches.” He tosses the jar back and forth between gloved hands, cocking a brow. “Well? How right was I? I bet I was close.” He croons. 

“Have I ever told you you’re absolutely insufferable, sometimes?” You mumble, unamused and refusing to budge.

“Ha! Many times, dear. Would you believe me if I told you I’ve lost count?” Julian leans back in his chair with a wink. 

Rolling your eyes you reluctantly approach him with tiny steps. You despised the little creatures with all your heart, but the man holding them had stolen it. Carefully plucking it from his grasp you set it on the desk, returning your attention to him. “You’re lucky I like you.” You sigh, your fingers entangling in the hair at his nape and forcing his head back. 

Julian flushes under you, licking the seam of his lips. “Mmmn.. lucky doesn’t even begin to ah, describe it..” You watch his throat bob as he swallows. Tightening your grip he lets out a little gasp, his head tilting back to expose more of his neck. 

“As charming as you are, you do love to run your mouth don’t you? You know that could get you in trouble someday.” You purr quietly, placing a gentle kiss under his jaw that leaves him shuddering. 

He nods his head, lidded eyes staring up at you through thick lashes. “I ah— I might have heard that before.” Brushing your thumb over his lips he parts them, eager to take it into his mouth, but you pull away with an innocent smile.

“As much as I’d like to roll around in the sheets, I just—I just want to hold you.” You settle yourself back down onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his slender waist. “I know this will be the last time I see you... F-for awhile I mean.” Resting your head on his chest you close your eyes, focusing on the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. 

“Anything you want, darling. Your wish is forever my command,” Julian kisses the top of your head, smiling into your hair. “Being here with you… it will always be enough.” Hugging him tighter you inhale shakily, your nails digging into the thick fabric of his jacket. 

“I will always be with you.” You whisper, tilting your head up to press a kiss over his heart before you feel him shift beneath you. Your eyes flutter open and flit up to his face. He’s biting his lower lip hard, pale cheeks aflame. 

“Y/N..I—that’s quite the errm.. Commitment to make. Especially when it’s for someone like me.” Julian stammers quietly, avoiding your gaze. He was always easily flustered by your affections, but this was different. The air was heavy, unspoken words hanging between you. Those three little words you want to say die on your tongue. They always do. 

“A commitment I’m willing to make,” you murmur fiercely, kissing the tip of his nose. Julian’s cheeks darken, his hands fluttering on your hips. “How much longer do I have you for?” He doesn’t answer at first, his eyes settling on the door with a lingering sadness. 

“Ah, not for much longer I’m afraid.” 

“Julian.. You’re not supposed to be here right now,  _ are you _ ?” You frown. 

“Are you implying that _ I _ would leave the palace against our beloved Count’s wishes, to come see you? You’d be absolutely  _ right _ .” Julian grins, but it lacks its usual mirth. “It sounds like something I’d do, huh?” He looks at you with furrowed brows, slumping down in the chair. 

Stroking his face gently he leans into your hand as if craving your touch. “I can’t let you get in trouble over me. I don’t know what I’d do if  _ he _ did anything to you because of this. I.. I’d storm the palace myself and show him a whole new world of suffering.”

“Oho, would you now? My brave, dashing hero. I’d love to see that.” He chuckles, giving your thigh a light pat before standing up. “You don’t need to worry your pretty little head, I’ll be fine.” He ducks down to kiss you, catching your cheek when you turn your head away. 

“We can’t, Julian.” _ I won’t let you die with me. _

_ “ _ O cruel God! Why hast thou forsaken me?” Julian clutches his chest, the look on his face utterly pitiful. 

“We’re exposed too much. I can’t risk it..” Retrieving his mask you hold it up to him, your smile threatening to slip. Leather caresses your fingers when he reaches for it. You shake your head. “Let me.”

“With pleasure,” he leans down, watching as you lean in close to touch his cheek for the last time. Blinking away the stinging in your eyes you slip it over his face, adjusting the beak until it sat right. “Thank you, dear.” 

“Of course.” You whisper, your voice wobbling. Turning away with a tremulous sigh you grab the small jar of leeches. “Don’t forget these.” You turn to face him again, handing them over.

“What would I do without you, Y/N?” You freeze, fingers stiff as Julian takes the jar from you and slips it back into his pocket. _ _

“I’m sure you’d run yourself into the ground.” The rib falls flat, but he doesn’t question it, instead he draws you in close to run the beak over the side of your face tenderly. He’s stalling, you both are. 

“Ohh, how painfully honest. You know me so well.” He finally pulls away, his hands lingering over your hips a few seconds longer. “Goodnight, Y/N.” 

“Goodnight, Julian.” Turning on his heel he walks towards the door and opens it, looking over his shoulder a final time before disappearing into the night. “I love you..” The words are no more than a whisper, a confession too late to matter. You watch the door a few more moments, the small, hopeful part of you clinging to the chance he’d walk right back in with a dramatic flourish of his cape. Instead your glamour shudders violently before falling away, the red hue of your eyes returning. 

He’s gone. And you’ll never see him again.

Glancing back down at the table you hurry towards it, your hands sifting through the endless piles of paper, searching for anything you could write on.  _ Aha.  _ Holding up a blank piece of parchment you reach for the quill you had discarded earlier. Your mind’s a mess but words find their way onto the page, your heart spilling out in a messy scrawl. Fresh tears build in the corners of your eyes, dropping onto the paper as you write. Biting back a choked sob you sign off on the letter before dropping the pen, collapsing into the safety of your arms. 

_ Dear Julian, _

_ I’m sorry I have to write this to you, my love. I’m sorry I won’t be there to hold you when it comes time to read this letter. I should have written this sooner, maybe then it would have eased some of the guilt. Please darling, don’t blame yourself when you hear of my death. You can’t save everyone. I know you’ll find a way to make this your fault, but I implore you to push forwards and remember me fondly. You were my light in the city’s darkness, providing me a way to help others. I can only hope you will feel the same when it comes time for me to go. My skin is hot, but I only feel cold these days. Maybe it’s because I know I’m leaving for a world where there’s no you in it. I should have told you how I felt before it ever came to this. Funny, isn’t it? I was never afraid of the plague, but I was afraid to say I love you. I know you’re going to argue with this, but let it settle in your heart that I do. Deep down we knew whatever we had wouldn’t have a happy ending, it wouldn’t last the world’s cruel nature. Julian, my love, I am always with you. Find the happiness we shared in the softness of your sheets and in the warmth of a lantern’s light. I can feel myself coming to an end, but the thought of you numbs the pain. My brave Ilya, be strong for me.  _

_ I will always love you. _

_ Forever yours, Y/N _

  
  
  
  



End file.
